Beneath Guarded Hearts - 53

Previously…

Asma

3bdulla: “Oh my God Asma, don’t you ever put me through that again!”

I turned around to face him again. I even raised my toes a bit to meet his gaze.

Me: “That’s nothing compared to what I have been through.”

I don’t know why, but I was suddenly angry. After all this time, that was all he was going to say to me?

Me: “Why are you here 3bdulla?”

_____________

3bdulla

Me: “Why? 3ndy ejaza w-”

Asma: “You rarely visited Dubai fe any of your holidays. You even missed last 3ID of all holidays, 3ID!”

Me: “But… I’m back…”

            I wanted to scream in anguish and laugh at how absurd this was. Why was she picking a fight? This wasn’t how I had imagined our night…

Asma: “I don’t need you anymore. I can take care of myself. I have been just fine so far, so I can’t see why I can’t continue w-”

            Her voice was breaking, her composure battling against her emotions.

Asma: “I just don’t need you anymore.”

            Like hell she didn’t.

Me: “Yes you do.”

Asma: “No I don’t.”

Me: “I’m here Asma… this is real, this is happening.”

Asma: “What’s ‘happening’ ya 3bdulla? Nothing’s changed.”

Me: “No?”

            She shook her head slowly, her expression turning unsure as she saw the playful smirk in my eyes.

Me: “Afaaa 3alaich… Well then, I’ll just have to show you.”

Asma: “Kaif ya3ni sho 8a9dek?”

            I gestured her to follow me. I felt her gaze behind me as I resisted the urge to look back. The lights were brighter up close… I murmured the lines I had went over a thousand times in my head, careful not to let my voice betray how nervous I was.

Me: “Once upon a time…”

           

            I pulled down the security bars as she sat down beside me, keeping her distance, still unsure of herself.

Me: “There was a beautiful princess who lived in an empty castle…”

            I felt motion from under me as the ride started.

Me: “She never understood what the rakish prince saw in her, and he never thought that she could turn out to be more than a mere infatuation…”

            The same slow, lazy movements of the first spin…

Me: “But one day when she was captured by a villain, he realized something; that he wanted no one to have her except himself. It was an odd feeling, but a very powerful one, one he was unfamiliar with. It put him though madness, trying to locate the lost princess, to bring her back into his possession…”

            The Ferris wheel stopped just as we reached the top. I could see everything from up here, and the feeling was just indescribable. I paused for a moment as I took it all in. I felt… at peace. Asma suddenly interrupted my moment, causing my surprised blink as her voice invaded the silence of our little bubble.

Asma: “But once he found the princess, it appeared that it was too late. She was scarred by his blind rejection, and the villain had taught her a thing or two in his attempts to manipulate her…”

            So, she wanted to play this game too? No way was I going to let her win…

Me: “So the prince took her back to the very place that was filled with their broken memories…”

            For some reason, I wanted so badly to win our silent battle, as if it would resolve everything, as if it would fix it all… I could only hope.

Asma: “She knew what he was trying to do, how he was attempting to put her in a situation that made her vulnerable to his wicked charms…”

Me: “But she couldn’t resist the truth in his voice, the desire the roared in his eyes as he looked at her…”

Asma: “She forced herself to gain some control, and turned to run away…”

Me: “But since she knew she could never outrun him, never hide in a place where he wouldn’t find her…”

Asma: “She decided to lie to him about her feelings, and said that the villain had changed her…”

            Is there a double meaning behind this?

Me: “At first he believed her, but then he saw the pain lurking at the surface of her eyes…”

Asma: “The pain that he knew he had caused her, the pain that couldn’t be fixed, couldn’t be rid of…”

            Was this how she felt?

Me: “So he smiled at her, the smile she had always loved, the kind of smile he rarely shared, the smile that made her innards go wild…”

            And I was doing just that.

Asma: “She hadn’t seen that smile in such a long time… She forgot how much she had missed him until that very moment…”

            She looked at me with a new gleam in her eyes, a new longing… She saw right through me, but she wouldn’t let herself believe what her eyes were telling her, like she didn’t trust herself or her feelings.

Me: “And then he pulled her to him, and whispered to her how much he loved her…”

            Her eyes started to vaguely water. She took a moment to think, and it appeared that she didn’t know what to say. Had I won? She broke my thoughts with a tight whisper.

Asma: “And then what happens?”

            I grinned widely, stretching a smile across my cheeks.

Me: “And then…”

            I reached into the pocket of my kandoora and took out a small box. Her eyes widened and I could tell what she was thinking; ‘It can’t be…’

Me: “Then…”

            I gave an exaggerated pause for the proper effect, and I could see her curiosity running mad. I smiled at her softly, and slowly opened the lid.

Me: “Then, he asks for her hand in marriage…”

            Her tears seemed to freeze as she stared at the huge diamonds on the ring I was holding. I had stunned her, took her by surprise. What was she thinking right now? How did she feel? I wanted to know so badly…

Me: “And she says…?”

            I looked at her with hopeful and somewhat confident eyes, but the fear of rejection was lingering around its corners. I waited for her to finish the ending to the story. To our story.

            I couldn’t think. This was what I only dared to hope for in my dreams. Now that it was truly happening, how would she answer? Would her family accept me as her husband? Would she accept me? That was the only thing that mattered, her acceptance. Her family, I could always persuade, I could always prove to them that I could take care of her, but Asma… Well, this was my last chance. Whatever she decides now will remain as her decision. She knows what she wants, but tends to find it difficult to balance it with what she needs. But she needs me, and I know that she wants me; I just know I’m not too late…

            She finally broke the agonized silence of the air between us.           

Asma: “She needs some time to think about it…”

            Well, I certainly hadn’t expected that. Wasn’t that line some sort of a bad sign or something when a woman used it?

Me: “I love you, Asma.”

            She surprised me when she admitted the same.

Asma: “I love you too, 3bady.”

            I froze as the wheel took us on our last spin. Hearing those words, coming from her, to me… I felt like I had just found a hidden treasure and that I was the luckiest man in the world. She was mine. No one else could have her. I wouldn’t allow it. I loved her. I always would. I could see that now, that there was no way escaping it… I smiled in relieved joy.

Me: “Our story isn’t over yet.”

To be continued…

Beneath Guarded Hearts - 52

Previously…

Asma

He was now only inches away from my face and my mind was suddenly back. Aware. Again, my heart accelerated into frenzy and my legs again, locked into place. He cupped my wet cheeks with his hands and smiled the most light warming, beautiful smile. He let his hands drop slowly, twining his fingers together behind my back protectively. I could smell his sweet scent crawling up my nostrils. He was just as I’d remembered him so long ago. He knelt his face to my left ear almost resting his chin on my shoulder and whispered the words that sent shivers down my spine…

_______________

Asma

3bdulla: “Let’s get out of here…”

            I was still contemplating the fact that he was actually here.

Me: “How did you find me?”

3bdulla: “You’re kidding me right? Our favorite place as kids, remember?”

Me: “Of course I do… I just thought that you’d forgotten.”

            He smiled at me then, and I saw sparks that had nothing to do with the fireworks.

3bdulla: “You silly little smurf… I remember everything. 7awalt ansach, 7awalt w kil mara fishalt… Kil mara ashoof 3yoonch, w asma3 9idaa 9ootech, w 9’a7katch…  Ya Allah, I missed you Asma… Ebtismeely Asooma, eshtagt le ebtisamtch…”

            I blushed as I managed a shy little smile. My heart was hammering really hard, and I slowly wriggled out of his grip. I may have been a little overwhelmed, but I didn’t completely forget myself. This was improper, and on top of it all, we were in a public area. He understood and let his hands slide as I stole quick glances from around us. People seemed to be hypnotized by the splashes of color in the dark sky.

3bdulla: “Are you…”

            He cleared his throat and dropped his gaze.

3bdulla: “You and Rashid… Are you guys, uhhh… Ummm…”

            This was one of those moments that could decide how the rest of your evening would go. What should I tell him? Am I being too accepting? Should I fight for some of my lost pride? But then, I knew it wasn’t about pride at all. I’ll admit; he’s absolutely adorable when he seems helpless, and even cuter when he’s jealous.

Me: “NOW you come back? Now, after all this time… Now?”

3bdulla: “Asma no… Laa2 please tell me I’m wrong… This isn’t how it was supposed to be!”

Me: “Don’t tell me you believe in fairytales?”

            I raised my brow at him, awanh ya3ni :p

3bdulla: “Sho y5e9a?”

Me: “Well, in the fairytale version of our lives, you would be the prince who saves me from the evil villain who plans to take over my life… but then, you never showed up. So where does that leave us?”

3bdulla: “But I’m here, I came for you Asma, it can’t be too late… Laaa2, Laaaa2…”

            Awww 7aram! Walla he looked like he was about to cry! Mskeen I can’t do this to him…

            I turned around and faced the lake.

Me: “Don’t worry… I found a way out.”

            I could almost see his relieving surprise from behind me.

3bdulla: “W- What? So you’re not…”

Me: “Laa2.”

3bdulla: “Oh my God Asma, don’t you ever put me through that again!”

            I turned around to face him again. I even raised my toes a bit to meet his gaze.

Me: “That’s nothing compared to what I have been through.”

            I don’t know why, but I was suddenly angry. After all this time, that was all he was going to say to me?

Me: “Why are you really here 3bdulla?”

To be continued…

Beneath Guarded Hearts - 51

Previously…

Asma

I felt like screaming. But instead, I bit my lower lip and crossed my arms, waiting. Just waiting. Soon, I would find some serenity. Soon, I would forget that this night was the worst night of my life. Soon… Patience, Asma. Have some patience. It’ll all be all right again.

I knew I didn’t believe it, but it was worth a try.

__________________

Asma

The lights wouldn’t stop flickering. It was like being in circus, only much huger. The Ferris wheel that was illuminated in rainbow spotlights looked like fluffy cotton candy balls. The tiny heads far ahead were at war. I was there hoping that the beautiful shooting stars would rip out the anger within me that was slowly descending into gloomy tunes.

I caught a chuckle slipping through my warm breath as I saw a young woman struggling to walk in her stilettos that pierced into dusky sand. Her bouffant hair crowned her head as wisps of curls struggled against the humidity, their identity exposed. My nose caught a strong scent tiptoeing out of a tiny pink bottle, causing my scoff. For a moment I gazed at the bewildering colors that flew out of an army of machines and a smile was climbing up my face as each shade planted a peaceful white seed into my heart.

I saw ghostly clouds travelling above us. The moon faded away every few minutes playing hide and seek. It was magical. Bewitching. The cloud was the magician, in control of the act; the moon, the beautiful assistant distracting the eyes. They performed lots of tricks together, trying to keep the stars and beholders entertained. The stars cheered in awe, releasing the beauty in the light they possessed.

My magic show was suddenly disturbed when I heard voices in the back of my mind, cheering a countdown. Not moments passed before the thin line of ribbon was sliced in half right before my gazing eyes. I froze in my place as people struggled to pass through. I was there only by body; my train of thought was somewhere else, far away. I could still hear cheers and screams but they were very faint to my mind. Why was everyone in such a rush? I was pushed a couple more times before the muscles in my shoulders became vulnerable to the forces acting on it. Still, I was somewhere else… I watched a faint memory from my childhood that always brought me some peace of mind, some sort of tranquility, become alive in front of me.

An innocent smile sucking on a lollipop that was obviously too big for her tiny mouth sat on a ferris wheel and looked up at the diamond sky. She was pointing her chubby fingers upwards and laughing, watching the magic show. Most people amused their thoughts by claiming she was a little crazy but it was her ravenous imagination that helped her escape into her own perfect little world whenever the real world let her down. She was so small, so vulnerable. The wind silently walked by her with utmost care, untying the silky pink ribbon that held the braids of her pitch black hair, passing through its loose strands of curls, taking her scent with it into the world. As the flashing ferris wheel rolled its last spin, she straightened up, clapped very gracefully and waved goodbye at the dark, empty sky…

The small tissues of my eardrums slightly stuttered, bringing me back to this darkened world. They started vibrating, the pressure increasing with every “sheeww” of the rockets I heard above me. The thin, velocious speed of the fireworks burst into stunning colorful stardust as they exploded into separate rays, shooting into different directions, leaving a trail of smoke behind. The lights were mesmerizing. The moment was so perfect, so breathtaking; yet I found a sigh creeping into my voice, leaving a tiny frown crawling into my cheeks. The perfect moment wasn’t so perfect. I was there under the most beautiful night sky of the year, but he wasn’t.

It was getting darker and little did I notice the people who were passing by me. A sour mood settled inside my deepest cores, exposing the surface of my heart. I was too busy clouding my mind with memories to notice the teardrops that were slowly building up in my eyes. I didn’t have to blink at all; in no time my eyes streamed a water pool, blurring the vision of my eyes as I started to rush past the people, covering my miserable face. I had to get away. I decided to take a shortcut through an alleyway where no one would notice my smeary make up. I took in a deep breath and slowed down my pacing. The tears dried up in no time as the breeze brushed my skin in the open space. I concentrated on the things around me, trying to open a new door for my train of thought. I forced my legs to move, mentally directing them how to work each muscle. It was like walking for the first time.

My eyes caught the sight of a dim, reddish glow at the end of this alleyway, secluded from all the action that was buzzing through the Global Village. I was so muddled as my heart gave a huge pump, sending a hard force through my body, but I was curious enough to tiptoe closer and see what it was. The distance was only a few yards away and yet to traverse it took an eternity. I was close to stumbling, with my legs still not functioning properly, and I wondered whether I should turn around and continue my path to my destination or explore this peculiar light. My curiosity again took over me.

I was bowled over by what I was seeing through the tent of patterned curtains just in the distance. It was close enough for me to see clearly, but not to hear. All the noises from machines to fireworks to foreign music blended the spoken words with the breezy air, untraceable, concealed. My eyes adjusted to the lighting and a gasp escaped my mouth as I saw the claw-like hands with an enameled ring fit on one of its wrinkled, scrawny fingers. The dark flowing shawls around her concealed her true identity yet it was obvious that she was a very old woman. Before suspicion enveloped me she looked up, and I saw the pinprick gleam at the center of her eyes and the swarthiness and greasiness about her skin, as the crystal ball reflected on her wrinkled face. She gave me a mocking smile as she held up a card that seemed to resemble… a clock of some sort? I returned a wary smile and dismissed myself from her presence, continuing my journey.

I finally reached my desired place and since the distraction of the gypsy was now long gone, the gloomy tunes started to sing to me. I must have looked weird, sitting on the cold step-down that looked out into the center of the big lake, with a perfect view of the Ferris wheel, but I couldn’t care less. I could hear loud whispers of strange stickmen whom I barely noticed passing by me. I wondered what their lives were like.

The loud whispers turned into gasps as a person collapsed on the hard, solid ground with thousands of crystal pieces scattered around what used to be his glass. My judgment was clouded, my sanity barely keeping its stance. Foreigners. That’s all they’re good at. He was unconscious, of course. A couple of his mates would probably carry him out into one of their trucks and take the hopeless fellow back to the place he was trying to run away from. His life.

Darkness hung in the sky, threatening to never reveal the golden streaks of the sun again. The odd shapes around me started to disperse themselves into different directions, some carrying zombie bodies. Or maybe they were couples holding hands. I couldn’t tell the difference. I didn’t care. My hazy vision spotted a strange form just as I started to turn my vacant gaze back to the lake; he seemed out of place. He looked beautiful under the dim glow of the moon. My eyes sharpened his features, focusing on the powerful shape that didn’t belong in this place. When my eyes identified this stranger I was suddenly on my toes.

My blood rushed through my veins, yet my heart couldn’t seem to beat fast enough as the pulse behind my ear thudded feverently. My legs surrendered and I had no control over them; they were hammered to the ground. His brilliant eyes were locked on my face, telling me things only the eyes could reveal. My heart was beating with the patterns of his footsteps; with every step he took, it thumped harder on my chest, causing vibrations over the exquisite ends of my silk 3abaya. He approached me slowly and I noticed a radiant glow escaping his angelic face. My mind fled somewhere else, into another world. My pulse seemed to slow down and my legs loosened their grip on the ground.

He was now only inches away from my face and my mind was suddenly back. Aware. Again, my heart accelerated into frenzy and my legs again, locked into place. He cupped my wet cheeks with his hands and smiled the most light warming, beautiful smile. He let his hands drop slowly, twining his fingers together behind my back protectively. I could smell his sweet scent crawling up my nostrils. He was just as I’d remembered him so long ago. He knelt his face to my left ear almost resting his chin on my shoulder and whispered the words that sent shivers down my spine…

To be continued…

Beneath Guarded Hearts - 50

Previously…

3bdulla

My eyes widened as a thought popped into my head. Sul6an? He would never send this if he wanted me to stay away. He knew how I would react. He sent it on purpose. Something must be going on, something I don’t know yet, but it’s like he sent this not as an invitation to attend a wedding, but an invitation to stop one. And stop it I shall. She can have anyone she wants. But not Rashid. It’s time I lived up to my promises.

Me: “I’m coming, Asma.”

I whispered into the soft ends of the quiet breeze around me, and I hastened my walk to a run.

_______________

25^th December

Asma

            I fiddled with the huge diamond ring on my finger, trying to kill the time, trying to calm myself, trying to find some sort of distraction…

            I sighed.

            He wasn’t coming.

Rashid: “Knty el mafroo6’ titrayain elain ma rad el blad.”

Me: “Bas ma kan shay wagt 7agk. Obook-”

Rashid: “Inty ma yhmch feeya, I can take care of myself. Ana rayal 3od ya asma.”

            He smiled at me gently, trying to paint something similar on my face. It worked. A little.

Me: “I just really thought…”

            My voice trailed off as I stared into the dark sky, pinched with a cluster of stars.

Rashid: “Just wait a little longer… Maybe his plane was delayed or-”

            I shook my head. There was no delay. There was no flight. There was no 3bdulla. I took in a deep breath. I wasn’t going to cry. Change the subject Asma…

Me: “I got the list for you, and trust me, these girls will be good for you. Be patient, and be open. Remember what I said. And choose wisely.”

            I handed him the booklet I had been clutching with my fingers. He nodded at me, still unsure about what I was going to do about my situation.

Rashid: “Asma…”

Me: “No. It’s fine. I knew he wouldn’t show anyway.”

            I had just hoped that he would prove me wrong. Hope was a dangerous thing, but it was the only thing that kept us going. And sometimes, it's the only thing that prevents us from moving on.

Me: “I just wanted to see… Never mind, this was a mistake.”

            I wasn’t talking to anyone in particular. Rashid only waited patiently.

Rashid: “Awa9elch el bait?”

            I tried to sound indifferent to the realization of the truth, to sound unaffected because this was exactly what I had expected, but my voice still trembled.

Me: “When I can finally drive 3ala ra7ty? Hhhh no thank you... I’ll be fine.”

            I slid out the diamond ring that was resting perfectly on my finger, and dropped it into his open palm.

Rashid: “I still think something’s wrong.”

            I only smiled at him.

Me: “It doesn’t matter what you think, because it changes nothing. It was worth a try though. There’s always next time, right?”

            Even to my own ears, I sounded unconvincing.

Me: “Good luck Rashid, I wish you all the best, w Allah y9abir 7ermatik yarab.”

            He couldn’t help but grin at that.

Rashid: “Now don’t start on me, I’ve had enough lectures.”

Me: “I know. You know me, I can’t help it.”

Rashid: “Hhhhh, yaah… Goodbye Asma, it’s been nice being... engaged to you.”

Me: “Hahaha, we had our fun didn’t we?”

Rashid: “Mhmm, the unforgettable memories.”

            He paused reluctantly.

Rashid: “If you ever need anything-”

Me: “Yes I know, thank you…”

            I took in a deep breath, and swallowed the rising bulge in my throat.

Me: “Yalla bye, it was nice knowing you.”

            He smiled at me genuinely and I returned the favors. He turned his back hesitantly and walked away in his usual arrogant strides.

            I finally let my tears spill.

            I walked slowly to my car, my vision imprecise with the salty droplets forming a blurred layer of water over my eyes. I started to distract my mind, and I vaguely remembered that some sort of opening was happening at the Global Village tonight. I started the engine; mindless of the kind of luxury I was sitting in, mindless of my apparel, mindless of my smeared make-up… I just wanted to go there and see the fireworks. The lights…

            I never thought driving so fast could make you feel better. I loved the speed, the feeling of being on top, in control. 

            I rubbed my thumbs under my eyes in a crescent-like rhythm, applied some Labello to moisten my dry lips, and I fixed my shaila once more. I tediously threw my keys to the valet and walked into the crouch of hundreds of strangers. I noticed no one, saw no one; I was only determined to pass through the gate, to find the comfort I needed so desperately, to stare at the ripple of the clear water of the man-made little river that passed under the bridges as the boats with hanging lights lazily passed by. But it was impossible to get through, and being a woman, I couldn’t push my way through the crowd, as half of the lot were men. I sighed in exasperation and waited. I didn’t want to wait, because I didn’t want to have the free time to think. And my mind was dangerously starting to open doorways of thoughts I never wanted to approach.

I felt like screaming. But instead, I bit my lower lip and crossed my arms, waiting. Just waiting. Soon, I would find some serenity. Soon, I would forget that this night was the worst night of my life. Soon… Patience, Asma. Have some patience. It’ll all be all right again.

I knew I didn’t believe it, but it was worth a try.

To be continued…

Beneath Guarded Hearts - 49

Previously…

Asma

He remained quiet, not knowing how to react to my false emphasis of the last word, having no excuse at all. He probably had a dozen of them actually, but didn't dare answer me back when I still had the upper hand.

Me: "Now see how acceptable you can be when you simply don't speak?"

He responded with the same sarcasm.

Rashid: "Yes, it's done me WHOLE lot of good so far."

Me: "Oh don't you worry sweety, it'll get even better."

He looked away from my forged smile. This time, my tone promised something that he wasn't looking forward to.

_________________

Asma

            He was smarter than I thought. No wonder none of his family ever found out about his mischief. He was always pretending to be the typical kind of local guy. Well, in a way he was, unless he was willing to lift a finger and do something for himself. It was a win-win deal. Only my heart was at risk, but that seemed irrelevant at the moment.

            I sighed. My heart kept asking, ‘Will he be here?’ and my brain kept saying, ‘You found a way out, and that should be enough.’ So why wasn’t it?

3bdulla

            I got the news when I was out with a couple of friends, hanging at the coffee shop, cracking jokes, the usual routine of every Monday night; my favorite distraction. Asma turned into a mere memory. I forgot her voice, her hair, the little features of her face… at least during the day. But at night, everything became alive again. She was close, yet so far; she was just a touch away, yet completely out of reach. He was always in the way.

            I sighed as I reread the card for the fifth time, not seeming to believe it, my mind trying to keep hold of my sanity. It was happening. And I let it. God help me. But I won’t be there to witness it, not for a million years. I wouldn’t be able to. If I saw him…

John: “Yoo Abood, where d’ya trail off to? Haha is that a letter from your girlfriend?”

Kathy: “Yaa I’ve never seen him this alive! What’s going on Ab?”

Me: “Sho?”

John: “And there he goes with the ‘sho’ again. You keep forgettin we still don’t get what it means :p Although I’m guessin by now it’s ‘what?’, somethin like that eyy?”

Me: “John, you’re seriously messed up. Choose one accent and stick with it! Pfft that’s proof right there that this acting B-S is bad for you :p You’re loosing yourself… is this John I’m talking to? Or his other personality? Is it Barry this time? Maybe Sal?”

John: “Oh shut up Abood, don’t get me started on you. I do that as a hobby! My business keeps me boringly sane.”

Me: “ANYWAAY, in answer to your comment, I’d have to say for the millionth time that I don’t have a girlfriend. I don’t need one. They’re a pain in the ass.”

Sara: “Loool shfeek 3bdulla! Shinw mstwaay inteh mb 9a7yy.”

Me: “Siktaaaay.”

            I smirked at her as I mimicked her kuwaity accent. She stuck out her tongue and frowned.

Me: “It’s nothing, just a wedding card.”

            I said to no one in particular.

Sara: “Ooooo who’s getting married?! I love weddings the groom’s brothers are always really hot.”

            She flickered her lashes, as if dreaming, and I just sighed again. I handed her the card, knowing there was no other way to shut the squeaky voice from leaving her mouth.

Sara: “Gom Al-X? Hathy tegrblk?”

John: “Heyyy enough with Arabic, we’re sitting right here you know.”

Kathy: “So rude. Expected nothing less from arabs :p”

            She always knew how to grab my attention. I got really defensive when anything was said about our people, but when I looked at her sharply, I saw from her expression that she did it on purpose.

Me: “It’s not gonna work this time, Kathy.”

            I laughed at her as she folded her arms, a move known to us by now that meant that she was upset.

Sara: “It’s the perfect timing! You had nothing to do for the coming holiday, so you can go back home and attend :D But of course that’s the men’s wedding, the women’s one isn’t relevant to your schedule, but it doesn’t really matter since you won’t be goi-”

Me: “When’s the women’s one?”

Sara: “25^th, a day before our holiday starts, and the men’s 3 days later. I was expecting it to be on the same day but-”

Me: “Sara.”

Sara: “Shnaaw?”

Me: “You’re going to miss el msalsal if you don’t leave.”

Sara: “Oh my God you’re right! Sorry guys I gotta go I simply CANNOT miss this! Bye cuties I’ll see you later!”

            She threw the card at me right before she rushed off. I sighed in relief.

John: “So are you going?”

            I just stared at the card again.

Kathy: “Of course he is. He can’t help but be there when some other guy takes his girl.”

            I gave her a murderous look that would have made others flinch in fear, but she knew me better. Her and her damn psychology classes…

Kathy: “I don’t see the point Ab. Why are doing this to yourself? Just go get her!”

Me: “It’s not that simple.”

John: “Kathy…”

Kathy: “No, this is for his own good. What’s wrong with you? You’re putting yourself AND the girl through unnecessary pains. Just man up and go after her!”

            This time, I killed her voice with my eyes.

John: “You know how he is when you mention his manhood. Bad move Kathy!”

            I barely heard him whisper to her as I stared at her mincingly.

Me: “Maybe in YOUR culture, you’re allowed to do whatever the damn you please without a second thought to your morals and ethics. And even though those precise actions are causing you physical and emotional problems that I prefer not to approach, as it is a VERY long list, you still seem to think that only your ways are right. Maybe sometime, KATHERINE, you might wanna pay attention to yourself before you start talking about others. How many months is your 16-year-old cousin pregnant again? And John, didn’t your brother just get divorced because he cheated on her with his ex-wife? Do I need to mention more or are you done criticizing me?”

            When they both gave me no answer, as I had expected, I slipped out two $20 notes and dropped them on the table.

Me: “Drinks on me.”

            And I left. Sul6an had no business putting me through this when he knew I wouldn’t show up anyway. I’m going to have to settle this with him when, if, I end up going home. No, I won’t go. I can’t. Damn it, this isn’t what I need right now!

            The card had Asma’s scent on it. I took another deep sniff as I walked the crowded streets. How I had missed her.

            It felt like she had sent a part of her with it, a message of hope, a hidden kiss, her dazzling smile, the echo of her laughter…

            I hated myself at the moment, because the more I tried to convince myself that I wasn’t going, the more I craved to get on the first plane and take her away from him. I don’t know what I'm going to do. It’s none of my business. But still…

            My eyes widened as a thought popped into my head. Sul6an? He would never send this if he wanted me to stay away. He knew how I would react. He sent it on purpose. Something must be going on, something I don’t know yet, but it’s like he sent this not as an invitation to attend a wedding, but an invitation to stop one. And stop it I shall. She can have anyone she wants. But not Rashid. It’s time I lived up to my promises.

Me: “I’m coming, Asma.”

            I whispered into the soft ends of the quiet breeze around me, and I hastened my walk to a run.

To be continued…

Beneath Guarded Hearts - 48

Previously...

Asma

I took in a deep breath.

Noufyy: "You can do this Asma..."

Me: "I know I know. I will. I must."

3wash: "Good, because all this work can't go to waste."

Me: "Okaay… Yalla lazm atlabas."

Noufyy gave me a big hug and murmured to me encouragingly before she left.

Noufyy: "Good luck 7bibty."

Me: "Thanks... I think I'll need it."

______________

Sul6an

Me: "Asma? Wain sayra?"

Asma: "Oh Sul6an you're home already? Et7araitk bat5ali9 at 5:30…"

Me: "Haaih bas I got released mn wagt elyom, 3shan ma kan shay wayed sh3'l. Wain 6al3a?"

Asma: "Oh mashay sayra DM."

I raised a brow at her.

Me: "Hal wagt? W hal yom? Wayed z7ma mno bayseer weyach?"

Asma: "Sul6ooon ana mb yahil 5ala9 et5arajt w basoog ba3d shwaya!"

Me: "Asmaa..."

I used the warning tone that always worked with her.

3wash: Yalla Asma 5alna nseer banit2a- Oh Sul6an! You're home early..."

I raised my brow again, this time in surprise.

Me: "With 3wash? Mta et9ala7to inshalla?"

Asma: "Umm gabl esboo3ain a6’anii…”

I stared at her.

Me: "W ma 5abarteeni?"

Asma: "Ummmm I didn't wanna bother you, and she's making it up to me, batwa9ilny DM I need to buy something mn Bloomingdales."

I looked back and forth from Asma to 3wash. She didn't wanna bother me? 3wash making it up to her? That doesn't sound like either of them.

Me: "What's going on?"

3wash: "Ufff geltelch we should've just told him."

Asma: "3waaash!!!"

Me: "Told me what?"

3wash: "My GOD people we're gonna be late! Both of you, in the car, now! Asma will explain on the way."

Before I could say anything further, Asma snuck a glare at 3wash as they both rushed into her car. What the hell is going on?

***

>You don't look like you're going to enjoy this

I looked at Asma until she received it and read it. She was typing something back.

--No of course not. You know how much I hate doing stuff like this. But this needs to be done.

>No Asma, I know you. You’ll feel too guilty

--No I won't. He hurt me

           

            She said it as if that was reason enough, which we both knew was far from the truth.

>Then why didn't you destroy Nada when you could have?

I looked at her troubled reaction as I brought up unwanted memories from her past.

--You know I'm not like her, and it's not the same

>Exactly. You’re not like her Asma, Ana ma bawgaf fe 6reejch this time, bas I'm telling you, you're gonna regret this. Ma batroomen

--Yes I can! I'm stronger than you think

>Maybe, but inty insanh 7noona. It’s not in your nature to hurt people, especially not in public

--Uff shut up sul6an! You're not the one who's been lied to and you're not the one stuck in a marriage you can't get out of! I don't need a psychology lesson from you, I know what I'm doing

>Inzain 3ala ra7tch. Enjoy the last minutes of your peace, because we're about to reach

            I heard her catch her breath as she looked out the window.

Asma

Peace was far from what I was feeling. All this lying was already eating at my guilt, no matter that it was to Rashid. I texted him to tell him I had my own ride and that I'd meet him jdam the waterfall area ele 3dal el ice rink, the one with the random hanging people on it.

I was starving, but I didn't eat anything on purpose because I knew my nervousness wouldn't let it stay down. How was I supposed to look normal, even playful and interested, when I felt like crawling into a black hole? He's gonna know, he'll figure it out and-

NO. I WILL do this. I have to. He lied to you, Asma, he lied. He lied to many others before you, and this is for them as well. Ya Allah then why does it feel so wrong?

***

Rashid: "Halla 7bibty, looking hot! ;) Ma5tarty ela mkan mzd7m where everyone can see you -.-"

He pretended to pout.

Me: "But don't you want to show me off? Latgooly ink t3'ar because I'll know it's bull :)"

So I panicked for nothing. As always. It was like presenting a play; right before you step on stage, you feel like barfing, but as soon as you get into character, all that energy gets transformed to help enhance your role, to give you that boost. I was doing this much better than I thought, and my nervousness slowly subsided, but vaguely lingered still, waiting to release itself again when the time came.

He suddenly interrupted my thoughts.

Rashid: "Is that my family?!"

Me: "Ohh haaih ashoof you saw them! I made sure each and every one of them came 3shan I know you never get to see them and- What's wrong?"

Rashid: "Laish che swaity Asma, you can't just assume things when it comes to me. There's a REASON why I don't see them often. Every single person came?!"

            I narrowed my eyes at him. 3wash told me to expect this, even though I refused to believe that someone would purposely avoid his or her own family, the only people on earth who truly cared about you. And of course, I was wrong. Again. This world is such a sad place.

Me: "Yalla 3ad they’re you’re family! 7abeeby trust me, just come and say hi."

I gave him a flirtatious wink that him promised something, and he eventually smiled and held my hand as he lead me towards them.

I was good at this.

As he was saying hi to his large family of two parents and 8 siblings, I quickly bbm'ed the joined conversation of me, Noufyy and 3wash.

Asma

-Guys yalis ysalim 3alaihm right now

Noufyy

-Awesome, good job asoomty I'm so proud of you!

3wash

-Can everyone view the big screen mal el ice rink?

Asma

-Yes it’s clear, we're in the perfect position

Noufyy

-You have the link right?

Asma

-Yaa 3ndy eyaah

3wash

-Okaay, yalla ma bagy shay

Asma

-Haaih.. 

-Shit he's coming gtg!

Noufyy

-Ok ok byee hun!! 

-Good luck :*

3wash

-We're right here with you

Rashid: "So what do you have in store for me, ya Asma?"

Suddenly a thought popped into my head as he smiled at me. I could tell him before I publish the video and enjoy a little begging...

Me: "I know what you did last Friday in Mercato."

I blurted it out before giving it a second thought, and I regretted it the moment I said it. What if he did something to me? What if he kidnapped me again like before? Omg shit shit shit Asma you blew it! He’s not-

I saw his self-possession slowly break down as he took in what I said. I tightened my grip on my phone, and he glanced back at his family who were happily conversing with each other. He then looked at the ice rink, following my gaze to the big screen that was currently showing movie trailers, then slowly back at me and my hands clasping my blackberry.

I didn't have to say anything. His smile turned from sweet to bitter and fake, betraying his low, angry tone of voice.

Rashid: "You bitch! Do you know how much you'll suffer if you do this?!"

Me: "Not as much as you will."

Where did this boldness come from?

Rashid: "Hahah no wonder my whole family showed up! What did you tell them? That you found proof on something that I did? Well guess what, I'm not planning on pleasing them after all these years just because you're selfish and want attention! Batshoofen asma wallah el 3a6'eem..."

I was surprised at how calm I was. His body was completely tensed as he continued to threaten me several times, but he saw that it wasn't working. I firmly held my stand. He turned desperate.

Rashid: "Uff sho ely tbainh bel 6’abt?!"

Me: "ANA sho aba? You sent me home with BRUISES that night, Rashid! For a whole day I couldn’t get out of bed, and I was walking chany 3yooz m5arfa for the rest of the week! On top of all your outrageous past actions, you LIED to me! You stole 3bdulla's set-up and you had the face to lie about it!"

Rashid: "I didn't lie. I never said I actually made it, w a9lan what does it matter! Wain 7abeebch a7eena ha?!"

I paused.

Me: "He’s in New York, but that's not the point."

Rashid: "Yes it is. This is about me lying, and you're getting upset for nothing because face it asma, he doesn't want you. W 7ata lo kan ybach, ho mb rayal l2ana mat-himeh m9la7atch wala msha3rich. Did you know he didn't even bother to protest when you brother told him that he couldn't take you there? Hatha ba3adeh yahil yl3ab fe m5ich, w I'm right here and willing, Allah a3lam laish, dealing with your crap and picking up after him, what more do you want?!"

Me: "What more do I want? I never asked you to do anything for me! I don’t even want you! I want to live my life in peace. I don't want you, I don't want 3bdulla, I just want my life back!"

Rashid: "What the hell asma this is not a game mara far7ana w ra6’ya mn kilshay w the next thing I know tkonen m3’ayra raych! Mta batikbareen?"

Me: "What game? YOU’RE the one playing a very dangerous game Rashid w trust me you seriously don’t want to see what I can do. A9lan everything changed and you're a fake! Everything about you is a lie, and THAT's why I'm doing this."

I took a step back. He took another one forward.

Rashid: "You ungrateful piece of- You know how many girls would die to be in your place?!"

Me: "Well then you should've known by now that I'm not like other girls. You should have chosen a bride who's stupid enough to drool all over your good-for-nothing pretty face."

Rashid: "I knew you were trouble mn el bdaya. You’re such a pain in the ass asma, and incredibly stupid! Do you know what you'll gain from being married to me?!"

Me: "Oh my GOD bas shut up! You and your excuses! You're unbelievable! Don’t try to turn this on me l2any maswait wala shay, bas YOU on the other hand have been sneaking around with God-knows-who behind my back!"

Rashid: "Yal 7mara wa6y 9ootech! Kil7ad yalis yit6ala3!"

I glared at him.

Me: "Answer me this then: Why did you make up our marriage? W kaif a8na3t Sul6an y9adegk?"

            He stared at me in bewilderment.

Rashid: "Wha- I told you Asma, uhh y-your mom-"

Me: "Don't give me bullshit. The truth, Rashid."

My tone warned him dangerously as I lifted my phone slightly. He stared back at the slowly questioning eyes of his family. He whispered urgently under his breath.

Rashid: "Ufff inzain! I needed a wife to please my father. He wouldn't give me any of the company shares lo ma 7a9altly 7erma."

Me: "So you were using me all this time and took advantage of Sul6an's friendship to slip it through without your father's knowledge?"

He just stared at me.

Me: “My God, that’s genius. Sul6an would never dare to question your father, and since he trusted you back then… and you didn't have time... and others would have been a huger risk...”

            He nodded unsurely, stealing small glances of his surroundings. He finally gave me his attention.

Rashid: "Now stop all this nonsense w 5alna nseer nakil fe ma63am, w MAYBE I'll manage to forget about it if you please me enough."

I raised my brow at him.

Me: "Esma3 ya Rashid, you need to shove your words into your mouth and stop being such an arrogant ass, tfhamny?"

He just stared at me as I smiled at him coldly. My heart thumped really hard as I took twp steps back and abruptly lifted my phone and started clicking, fishing for the link that I couldn’t seem to find, my mind a nervous mess of clamored thoughts. He made an attempt to grab it from me, but I suddenly screamed in reflex before he reached me.

Everyone stared at us. His family was starting to approach. Shit I made a scene!

Rashid’s Dad: "Rashid?! Shotsawy ya 7eywan? Tba tif6'a7na jdam kil el 3alam? Mafeek e7tram?!"

Out of nowhere his father appeared behind him, and I'll be honest, he was the scariest creature I had ever seen. He seemed pretty normal when I met him, but now as he glared at Rashid, he looked like... like a monster.

I don't know what changed my mind, whether it was the murderous look Rashid's father was giving him, or the helplessness of the slumped shoulders of my fake fiancé as he shrank back from his gaze. I looked at a completely different person. I finally saw the real Rashid, for everything that he was, and I saw the memories of childhood abuse, neglect and isolation come alive in front of me. He looked miserable.

I couldn't do it.

As I quickly weighed down different possibilities, I came up with an interesting alternative that I haven’t thought of before. But it was risky, and I didn’t know if it would work or… His father stepped forward and raised his hand in a familiar pose that I only saw in movies. He was going to give him a blow. I panicked. I had to do something. Uffff I was so going to regret this...

Me: "Laa2 3amy! Ma sawa shay. Esma7ly ana wayed azee3' mn 7sharat w t7arait chft shay 3dal ryooleh."

He dropped his clenched fist and looked at me and Rashid skeptically as I attempted a sheepish smile. Man was I a good actor!

Me: "Lazm tft5r fe weldk, 3amy, l2any ma shft mthla. Ma ybalh ella 9abr."

            He relaxed his hard knuckles, but his expression was far from pleasant.

Rashid's Dad: "Haaih haih kam 9bart 3alaih w wala sawa shay zain fe 7yateh. INTEH, E7mid rabk 7a9altlek 7rma 9aboora, tara ma batlagy mthlha. Lo he tista7milk akthar 3any ma3rf mno 3'airha bayihtam feek hal gad. Yalla obooy basskm 7arakat 5alna nt3asha, 3ndy sh3'l ba3dain w lazm arid..."

He said it as he trailed off and assured everyone that everything was fine. After what felt like ages, Rashid finally turned to meet my gaze.

Rashid: "Laish?"

His whisper was so low, his eyes deceiving the amount of emotion he was trying to hide.

Me: "Uff w ana sho 3rafny, ana 3'abeya. You owe me SO big, and unless you're willing to discuss my requests, I'm clicking on this link right now!"

Rashid: "Inzain inzain I'll do ay shay just please act like I'm irresistible and an awesome husband, I mean 5a6eeb, ufff whatever mayhm, at least through dinner?"

Me: "Do we have a deal?"

Rashid: "Walla asma anything you ask just please latif6'a7eeni..."

Me: "ANA af6'a7k? Inteh walla... Ufff 3wash is gonna kill me for this..."

Rashid: "3wash?"

Me: "Nothing nothing. Yalla let's just get this over with."

He paused for a minute.

Rashid: "Thank you Asma."

I smiled at him mockingly. He waited for another long minute and spoke again. Out of nowhere he surprised me with a question.

Rashid: "I really bruised you?"

Me: “Huh?”

Rashid: “Inty gelty inh… Umm… 5ala9 wala shay.”

            Ugggh I must have babbled again. I wasn't meaning to let him know about that.

Me: “Well what did you think happened when you manhandled me like a piece of trash and gripped me so damn tight when I desperately tried to knock some sense into you?”

Rashid: "I..."

Me: "Uggh, nevermind, you probably don’t feel sorry anyway, so don’t bother. I said I’d play nice through dinner, w I keep my promises, fa you don't need to prove anything. Don't worry about a thing 7ABEEBY.”

He remained quiet, not knowing how to react to my false emphasis of the last word, having no excuse at all. He probably had a dozen of them actually, but didn't dare answer me back when I still had the upper hand.

Me: "Now see how acceptable you can be when you simply don't speak?"

He responded with the same sarcasm.

Rashid: "Yes, it's done me WHOLE lot of good so far."

Me: "Oh don't you worry sweety, it'll get even better."

He looked away from my forged smile. This time, my tone promised something that he wasn't looking forward to.

To be continued...