Beneath Guarded Hearts - 50

Previously…

3bdulla

My eyes widened as a thought popped into my head. Sul6an? He would never send this if he wanted me to stay away. He knew how I would react. He sent it on purpose. Something must be going on, something I don’t know yet, but it’s like he sent this not as an invitation to attend a wedding, but an invitation to stop one. And stop it I shall. She can have anyone she wants. But not Rashid. It’s time I lived up to my promises.

Me: “I’m coming, Asma.”

I whispered into the soft ends of the quiet breeze around me, and I hastened my walk to a run.

_______________

25^th December

Asma

            I fiddled with the huge diamond ring on my finger, trying to kill the time, trying to calm myself, trying to find some sort of distraction…

            I sighed.

            He wasn’t coming.

Rashid: “Knty el mafroo6’ titrayain elain ma rad el blad.”

Me: “Bas ma kan shay wagt 7agk. Obook-”

Rashid: “Inty ma yhmch feeya, I can take care of myself. Ana rayal 3od ya asma.”

            He smiled at me gently, trying to paint something similar on my face. It worked. A little.

Me: “I just really thought…”

            My voice trailed off as I stared into the dark sky, pinched with a cluster of stars.

Rashid: “Just wait a little longer… Maybe his plane was delayed or-”

            I shook my head. There was no delay. There was no flight. There was no 3bdulla. I took in a deep breath. I wasn’t going to cry. Change the subject Asma…

Me: “I got the list for you, and trust me, these girls will be good for you. Be patient, and be open. Remember what I said. And choose wisely.”

            I handed him the booklet I had been clutching with my fingers. He nodded at me, still unsure about what I was going to do about my situation.

Rashid: “Asma…”

Me: “No. It’s fine. I knew he wouldn’t show anyway.”

            I had just hoped that he would prove me wrong. Hope was a dangerous thing, but it was the only thing that kept us going. And sometimes, it's the only thing that prevents us from moving on.

Me: “I just wanted to see… Never mind, this was a mistake.”

            I wasn’t talking to anyone in particular. Rashid only waited patiently.

Rashid: “Awa9elch el bait?”

            I tried to sound indifferent to the realization of the truth, to sound unaffected because this was exactly what I had expected, but my voice still trembled.

Me: “When I can finally drive 3ala ra7ty? Hhhh no thank you... I’ll be fine.”

            I slid out the diamond ring that was resting perfectly on my finger, and dropped it into his open palm.

Rashid: “I still think something’s wrong.”

            I only smiled at him.

Me: “It doesn’t matter what you think, because it changes nothing. It was worth a try though. There’s always next time, right?”

            Even to my own ears, I sounded unconvincing.

Me: “Good luck Rashid, I wish you all the best, w Allah y9abir 7ermatik yarab.”

            He couldn’t help but grin at that.

Rashid: “Now don’t start on me, I’ve had enough lectures.”

Me: “I know. You know me, I can’t help it.”

Rashid: “Hhhhh, yaah… Goodbye Asma, it’s been nice being... engaged to you.”

Me: “Hahaha, we had our fun didn’t we?”

Rashid: “Mhmm, the unforgettable memories.”

            He paused reluctantly.

Rashid: “If you ever need anything-”

Me: “Yes I know, thank you…”

            I took in a deep breath, and swallowed the rising bulge in my throat.

Me: “Yalla bye, it was nice knowing you.”

            He smiled at me genuinely and I returned the favors. He turned his back hesitantly and walked away in his usual arrogant strides.

            I finally let my tears spill.

            I walked slowly to my car, my vision imprecise with the salty droplets forming a blurred layer of water over my eyes. I started to distract my mind, and I vaguely remembered that some sort of opening was happening at the Global Village tonight. I started the engine; mindless of the kind of luxury I was sitting in, mindless of my apparel, mindless of my smeared make-up… I just wanted to go there and see the fireworks. The lights…

            I never thought driving so fast could make you feel better. I loved the speed, the feeling of being on top, in control. 

            I rubbed my thumbs under my eyes in a crescent-like rhythm, applied some Labello to moisten my dry lips, and I fixed my shaila once more. I tediously threw my keys to the valet and walked into the crouch of hundreds of strangers. I noticed no one, saw no one; I was only determined to pass through the gate, to find the comfort I needed so desperately, to stare at the ripple of the clear water of the man-made little river that passed under the bridges as the boats with hanging lights lazily passed by. But it was impossible to get through, and being a woman, I couldn’t push my way through the crowd, as half of the lot were men. I sighed in exasperation and waited. I didn’t want to wait, because I didn’t want to have the free time to think. And my mind was dangerously starting to open doorways of thoughts I never wanted to approach.

I felt like screaming. But instead, I bit my lower lip and crossed my arms, waiting. Just waiting. Soon, I would find some serenity. Soon, I would forget that this night was the worst night of my life. Soon… Patience, Asma. Have some patience. It’ll all be all right again.

I knew I didn’t believe it, but it was worth a try.

To be continued…