Beneath Guarded Hearts - 15

Previously...

3bdulla

I wish that when she would wake up in the morning, she wouldn’t regret having conversed with me and played along with my little games. I wish she could forget that I was the one who hurt her…

________________

Asma

As much fun as I was having, throwing fruits aimlessly from above me in hopes of hitting him, I sadly returned back to reality.

I was so at ease with him, so relaxed and having fun, that I forgot where we actually were and how inappropriate this was. I was in my pj's! That alone should have been enough for me to ask him to leave. But it wasn't. He swept me away into a world where I was free, where there were no rules, no limits. He gave me my own fairytale.

3bdulla: "Ha shostwaa? You gave up? :p I'm gonna keep throwing them back at you. I'm one hell of a devil tara ;)"

I couldn't help but laugh quietly as he mimicked my words. Walla he's unbelievable! Bass 5ala9, you've had your little escape asma. Now it's time to be the responsible one, because he definitely isn't!

Me: "3b.. 3bdulla..."

3bdulla: "Halla :D"

Me: "Laa... 3bdulla we can't... I-"

3bdulla: "Ohoo... Seriously? Gimme a bit more time please!"

Me: "What?"

3bdulla: "You became guarded again. You closed yourself from me. Let me back in, Asma. Don't invite reality."

I couldn't believe it. It was like he was reading these lines from my head! Was I really that obvious?

Me: "3bdulla I... I have to. Reality is where we live. And where we live has consequences."

3bdulla: "We don't have to live there..."

He whispered it so low that I almost didn't hear him.

Me: "No, but the fact doesn't change that we still do."

He was silent.

Me: "3bady..."

His childhood nickname. I just realized why I was such at ease with him. I connected with the child inside me, and that child used to be his best friend.

But that was a long time ago...

3bdulla: "Yaaa asoomah?"

My childhood nickname. His voice was so low, yet I could hear the emotion it carried.

Me: "Why were you gonna leave?"

3bdulla: "Asmaa don’t..."

Me: "Were you..."

I swallowed hard at the lump in my throat.

Me: "Were you going to see 3wash?"

3bdulla: "Of course laa2! What brought up THAT idea?!"

He sounded outraged, offended even.

Such a good liar, my 3bady.

Me: "Because 3wash went to meet someone, w ma tit3adal chee ela lo kan 7beebha, and 9ul6oon 6'rabk, so I'm assuming ink 6la3t weyaha. Same story happened before, and 9ul6oon trusts you so that's why he beat you harder than the others. Don't lie to me, 3bdulla. I may be a little innocent, but I'm not stupid!"

I felt my voice break at the very end. I've never tried letting out what I kept inside. I sounded more infuriated than I had intended.

He was silent for so long that I thought he'd left. I wish I could see him, read what his eyes threw at me... Damn it, WHY did I come down in my pj's?!

3bdulla: "Ana mb 7abeeb 3wash. That's not why we met."

Me: "Then why?"

3bdulla: "I... Magdar agoolch."

Me: "Hhhh woow 3bady smooth, you can't tell me why you were running away like a coward, or why you very stupidly met 3wash when it wasn't a date. Is there anything else that I shouldn't know about?"

Okaay. Good job Asma, stay in charge! Don't let him take your guard off again.

3bdulla: "Ana mb coward! Latsaween 3mrch t3arfeen kilshay when you don't know a single thing, asma! Mat3arfeen WALA shay."

Shit. He's mad. Well, a7san. Maybe then he'll leave.

No...

I don't want him to leave. I want him to deny it, to say that... To say anything!

He took in a deep breath.

3bdulla: "Asma. You and I-"

Me: "There is no 'You and I' 3bdulla. We're not an 'item' if that's what you're implying."

3bdulla: "La I didn't mean it that way..."

Me: "Of course you did. What other way is there?..."

3bdulla: "Laa mb chee ya3ni I meant-"

Me: "...Sho you thought just because you were my best friend when we were kids and you've turned out to be really hot and you take my breath away that I would be all over you and-"

I heard him gasp.

3bdulla: "What?"

I shut my mouth right away. Oh my God! Did I just say that out loud?! :O Shiiiiiiiit!!!!!

Me: "No no, I... I meant..."

3bdulla: "Shhh, don't speak."

I stayed quiet for a long time. I didn't know what he was thinking, and it bothered me. Ya Allah why do I drift off into my own bubble unconsciously when I babble things?! I'll never be able to face him again. Noufyy was right. I give him too much power. And now I could never take it back.

3bdulla: "You wanna know why I was leaving?"

Me: "Why?"

I whispered. I lost my voice, my pride.

3bdulla: "Because I couldn't stay under the same roof as you. Because you took my sleep from me, my mind, you stole my very soul. I don't know how or why, but you did Asma. And... This can't go on. I can't offer you what you deserve. You'll... You'll find someone asoomah, who is right for you, who will treat you 3adel and make you smile. But know that nobody can ever love you the way I do... Goodbye Asma. Be happy..."

And his voice drifted off as I heard him walk away. I stood up abruptly, trying to get a last glimpse of him, but it was too late. He was gone.

To be continued…