Beneath Guarded Hearts - 9

Previously...

3bdulla

I was stupid, I was young... Ya Allah, laish?

But I knew why.

Now I had only two options:

Tell her the truth about everything,

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.

Or say goodbye forever.

___________________

Asma

By the time the tense shockness left my body, my emotions felt like they had been clammed into each other and jumbled in a juicer. I found myself staring at my ceiling past the middle of the night, shivering even under a thick duvet. The events of today kept running through my mind like a horror movie that kept playing over and over again, a nightmare that haunted me when I dozed off after crying myself to sleep. I'd wake up drenched in sweat, my breathing hard and fast, and I'd hear myself calling his name until I remember... Everything was just a lie.

I wish falling in love had traffic lights, so that I would know if I should go for it, slow down, or just stop.

It was too much to bear all this in one day. I can't even believe that all this started just this morning. How can so many things happen in a span of less than 12 hours? How can a person start a day happy, excited even, and then end up completely destroyed and in a state of numbness by the time the sun had kissed the sky goodbye?

I knew 9ul6oon didn't mean what he'd said. I wouldn't allow my hopes to build up again. Never again, I'd vowed to myself. Never again.

I simply wasn't enough. 3wash, even with the personality she had, had caught his eyes. He knew what kind of person she was. Everyone did. Yet he couldn't resist her beauty.

After looking into my eyes, 9ul6oon's temper and edgy condition seemed to pause. And that was enough time to wake him up from his spell. I don't know what he saw. Because I don't remember how I felt. I just know it had been something very strong. He approached me and put his long arm around my shoulders in a protective way as he led me into the car. I walked with him like a lifeless robot, my eyes unblinking. I found myself seated jdam, and only after we had moved did I realize that 3wash wasn't in the car with us. He left her behind, lying on the dessert sands, weeping like a diminutive girl. She'll probably call Sara to pick her up, and she’ll stay over at their house. As for 3bd... my cousin, he was to stay at our house in the guest bedroom because his mom would freak out if she saw him in the shape he was in. He would clean himself up, cover his wounds, get some rest and then leave in the morning.

I tried not to think about him, I honestly tried.

Yet his image kept appearing in my mind; his strong body imprinted with fist marks, his eyes unable to open fully, blocking some of his eyesight and the brilliant blue beneath his long dark lashes... I had fallen in love with the most beautiful liar. And there was nothing on earth that I could do about it.

In normal cases, Noufyy would the first person I would call, but suddenly she felt distant, and I knew that she could never understand. She would be sympathetic at first, but then she would keep telling me to move on, that I was giving him too much power over me, that he was never really mine... And I wasn't ready to hear that, especially not from my best friend.

Sul6an was surprisingly very quiet. Without a word, he drove us all home, and after he'd helped my cousin reach the guest bedroom, he knocked on my door.

I groaned, not in the mood for anyone at all. Maybe if I didn't answer, whoever it was would go away. But of course, I had no such luck.

Another knock.

9ul6oon: "Asma?"

He opened the door slightly and slowly slid his head in. There wasn't enough time for me to pretend that I was sleeping. I groaned again, but this time inwardly. I didn't want to cry again, and if I started speaking, that was exactly what was going to happen.

Me: "Haa 9ul6oon, sho tba?"

I said it tiredly.

I made my eyes blank so he wouldn't see the sparks of pain in their light almond shadow, so that he'll assume the ride home made me too sleepy to think. It worked.

9ul6oon: "Sorry, I know you must be tired…"

Me: "Mmhmm…"

I half closed my eyes, to add an emphasis to my 'sleepy' act.

It worked brilliantly.

I turned out to be a good actor. Or maybe I was just so used to hiding and keeping everything to myself that it came out naturally. He walked towards me in long strides and sat beside me on the bed. He took my tiny body in his arms and rocked me a little. Then he murmured something into my ears.

9ul6oon: "Don't worry asamy, I'll make everything alright again. Just go to sleep..."

He tucked me in, just like my dad used to when I was a little girl. I closed my eyes for his benefit, and to prevent the tears that had risen from falling down. It took all I had not to drown myself into his chest as he comforted me. As much as I needed that, I wouldn't show him my weakness. I would not show it to anyone. He tiptoed away very gently, and as soon as I heard the door close, water droplets flowed slowly down my cheeks, even as my eyes were closed.

I subconsciously started to mumble his whispered name as images floated in the darkness under my sealed eyes, until my heart could take no more pain and sent my body into a dreamless, numbed slumber...