Beneath Guarded Hearts - 16

Previously...

Asma

"You'll find someone asoomah, who is right for you, who will treat you 3adel and make you smile. But know that nobody can ever love you the way I do... Goodbye Asma. Be happy..."

And his voice drifted off as I heard him walk away. I stood up abruptly, trying to get a last glimpse of him, but it was too late. He was gone.

_______________

Sul6an

Out of respect for his father and only because he was family, I went to 3abood's graduation. I disapproved of him, actually laa that's too englishy and mature to say. He was a complete asshole, 7ag ele mb fahm kam fe 5a6ry akaf5a over and over again.

I don't know what had happened between him and 3wash, but I do know that he broke Asma's heart. She never said anything of course. Always put on a public smile and went through it day by day, all by herself. But she couldn’t fool me. Her eyes couldn’t, anyway. Knt aba aramis-ha, bas 5ft aza3ilha zyadh lo thakart-ha bel salfa. Ma3rf sho galha, what happened between them, bas something did, w a7s it happened that night he left. With my car. Well ymkin kafa5ta mara aw martain zyadh ba3d salfat 3wash, bas that's not the point! No matter how many fists I engrave onto his face, it won't take away Asma's pain.

She was still a bit young. Bageelha one year left of high school, w she'll be able to get over him since he won't be around for a while. A very long while. A7san. He and I both know he's no good for her. For once he wasn't being the selfish bastard he was known to be. I never really cared about that until it involved my sisters. But that's the only reason I kinda backed off... well not completely, I tried to beat the truth out of him, but he wouldn’t say a word. He just took each blow as it came. Elmhm it was worth a try. He had manned up and backed off himself after that. His tuitions were paid for NYU. And he left Asma alone.

It hurt Asma because she didn't understand it, didn't know everything about him and his past. But I'd rather she go through this temporary pain rather than endure the scars that he would embed into her if she were ever to find out. I’ll make sure that she never does.

Asma

Mom: “Asmaaa! Swaity pack kilshay?”

*groans*

Me: “MAMA we’re travelling in 2 WEEKS why would I pack from now?!”

            I swear mama can drive me nuts sometimes! She worries and thinks about everything too much. Sometimes you just gotta let it be. Hmph. Look who’s saying, Asma.

            The last couple of weeks have been hard. But not as hard as I thought they would be. You see, I’m good at distracting myself. VERY well. I drowned into my books even more than I already was, and I hid the pain excellently. I hid it so well that sometimes I forgot it was even there. But every time I read about someone else’s prince charming in these books, I can’t help but remember, I can’t help but feel my eyes start to water even though I swore to never shed a tear for him… for anyone.

            He told me he loved me, but he went out with 3wash. He told me I stole his soul, yet it wasn’t enough for him to fight for us. For me. I wasn’t enough. I was probably just an infatuation, a temporary teenage crush that will disappear within time. I knew because I’ve had crushes before. And I have used the word love before, but I soon found out that it had really been nothing. And I’ll be damned if I’ll let this one become something. He was just a crush, and I would get over him in time. Yes, I only had a ‘thing’ for 3bdulla, and nothing else. Well, at least that’s what I keep telling myself. I’ll keep repeating it until I’ve convinced my heart that it’s true.

I got obsessed with music. And no, I didn’t keep listening to depressing songs and looked out my window and pretended like I was in a movie. My iPod was full of hyper and fun songs that made me forget about my hardships. Well not really, but they served well as a distraction. Yet sometimes, before I could go back and choose the next song I wanted, an old song would play, and the memories would flash in front of me as I froze in place, my heart rate slowly increasing. And I would cry.

I knew it was for the best. I KNOW it is. A3rf inh Raby fog w He’s watching over me, and I realize that this is an experience that I had to go through because it would make me stronger and prepare me blossom into the woman I will be in the future.

It wasn’t his fault or mine; it was just the way things were. Allah ma ktab nkoon weya ba3a6’, and I had to accept it. W bass. This change of perspective really helped me deal with this, but it didn’t take my pain away. Sometimes I find myself asking God in the middle of my prayers, ‘But did it have to hurt this bad?’

            But I’d stop myself and convince my heart yet again that there was someone out there for us, that someday Allah will give me someone who will show me why it never worked out, someone who would be worth all the pain I’m going through now. And that thought was what kept me going.

                        Anyways, basna all this nonsense I don’t wanna keep dwelling on the past. I have to focus on myself and my exams and my friends. And in case I haven’t mentioned it, I told Nouf about everything, from A – Z. I told her that I’ve learned my lesson w mb lazem tgoly ay shay whether it’s advice or criticism because I would rather not talk about it any more, and I told her every detail just because she was my best friend, and, well I couldn’t not tell her.

            --Isn’t it his graduation today?

>9idg? I never noticed madre

            --Asoomty… I'm your best friend you don’t have to pretend jdamy

>I'm not pretending ay shay inzain ma knt a3rf what’s your problem nouf?!

            --5aaibh calm down!

            --Now that attitude RIGHT THERE is proof that you're pretending

>Whatever let’s change the subject

>Did you manage to convince your parents?

            --3an sho? :s

>The shoes you really wanted lool b3ad sho! :p

            --Ohh haa haaih mn ziman I convinced baba :D He can’t resist my charms :$

>Hahahahah walla ma7ad y3’lbch you're like the best manipulator I’ve ever met!

            --Aaaaih ana mb manipulator! I just happen to be really persuasive that’s all… o:)

>Hhhhhh inzain inzain whatever you say bas we both know what the truth really is ;D

--Yes…

--Indeed we do ;)

            What was that supposed to mean?

3bdulla

            Graduation. Mabagy wayed. Just put on a smile and let’s get through this. After what seemed ages of speeches and claps and moms crying, we finally threw our hats into the air and cheered like maniacs. Well 6ab3an bansawee che, we were finally ‘free’! So why was I feeling like I was boxed in?

            After a whole night of partying, dinner fe Burj el 3rab and -yet another surprise by my awesome friends- riding aimlessly in Lamborghinis, I returned home to find the news that completely changed my summer.

Mama: “Haaih mama, bansafer weya gom 3amy M7amad fel 9aif! Isn’t that great? A7eena matroom tgool inh baykoon malal you're pretty close weya weldhm 9ul6an 9a7? And Sara has 3wash so everything will work out perfectly! I’ll finally have time to go shopping bdon ez3ajkm w your constant complaints…”

I didn’t hear the rest of what she said.

Travel weya 3amy M7amad?

Weya Asma?!

This is going to be the longest summer of my life…

To be continued…