Beneath Guarded Hearts - 32

Previously…

Asma

I watched my brother drive off with the other car as he disappeared into the street. And then I realized that he left me. With him! He freaking left me! I was gonna kill him when I reached home.

I turned to face a very hesitant 3bdulla, but there was something sheepish about his expression.

Me: “Did you know about this?!”

_______________

Asma

I sounded harsher than I had intended. He narrowed his eyes at me.

Me: “Ufff la ta36eeni hal na6’ra!”

3bdulla: “I don’t know about you but I think you pretty much deserve more than just ‘hal na6’ra’”

            I glared at him.

Me: “Chub! Bas inchub yal 7mar! I can’t stand the sight of you. You disgust me! You don’t deserve an explanation, no you don’t even deserve-“

3bdulla: “Asma!”

            I blinked as he shut my babbled mouth.

3bdulla: “I'm sorry.”

            I widened my eyes.

Me: “Excuse me? Ma sima3t, sho gelt?”

            He saw a faint smile curling up my cheeks. He frowned as he repeated his words through gritted teeth.

3bdulla: “I said… I was… sorry… Ha happy?”

            My smile disappeared.

Me: “Ohh so you’re just saying that to shut me up?”

3bdulla: “Laa2 laa2, uffff walla girls have to interpret everything wrong! Asma, I was angry, I didn’t know what I was saying much less what I was hearing. I thought… I thought that you and he…”

Me: “Uffff of course not 3bdulla how could you think that! Did you even see my face when you found me?”

            A scowl covered his face as he recalled the scene in his mind. After a long pause, he answered me.

3bdulla: “Yes I did. A little too clearly I might add.”

Me: “I forgot to thank you. I don’t know what would have happened if-“

3bdulla: “Well it didn’t. We don’t need to evaluate it any further.”

            I stayed quiet. I didn’t know what to say.

3bdulla: “Asma, what did he do to you?”

            He saw the fear climb up into my eyes at the reminder of this painful memory that had happened long ago. He still persisted.

3bdulla: “Why are you afraid of him?”

Me: “Please stop…”

3bdulla: “Please try to tell me… I want to help you…”

Me: “Well you can’t! No one can. Not anymore… I just have to accept this and deal with it. I have no other choice.”

3bdulla: “Yes you do asma, you can fight back. And I’ll fi-“

            Just when I thought he would say, ‘I’ll fight with you’ he paused. He looked torn. He couldn’t tell me that. Because he wouldn’t do it. I knew it. I knew all along.

Me: “But you can’t, can you?”

            He paused, and that itself was answer enough.

3bdulla: “Asma it doesn’t matter, you can still-“

Me: “No I can’t, 3bdulla. My future is sealed. I’m alone in this, and there’s nothing I can do about it. There was never anything I could do about it.”

3bdulla: “What do you mean?”

            I sighed as I sat on the soft sand, curling my toes deep inside. He sat with me, not too close though, so that the driver doesn’t ‘report’ anything to Sul6an. I took in a deep breath.

Me: “Rashid was engaged to me from birth.”

3bdulla: “WHAT?”

Me: “Let me finish. My mother remarried after her husband had died. She married Sul6an’s dad as his second wife, bas Allah 5athaha when she gave birth to me. I never knew I was Sul6an’s half sister until I was old enough for them to tell me about my real mother. Don’t get me wrong, I love my stepmother, and she loves me just as her own. But she couldn’t take away the promise my mom gave Rashid’s parents when I was still in her womb. My birth mother sealed my future, ruined my life before I was even born! She knew Rashid’s dad was rich, and she wanted to make sure I had a promising life. I think she unconsciously felt that something was going to happen to her, and she felt the need to make the arrangement so that she could be at peace with herself. Only, nobody knew about this or mentioned anything, until last year.”

3bdulla: “Wasn’t it two years ago?”

            I widened my eyes at him.

3bdulla: “Don’t ask…”

Me: “Two years ago, the ‘salfa’ happened with Rashid, which eventually led him to be forced to bring forth our arranged marriage to save his father’s reputation. He made a huge scandal, and it could only be covered if it were said that we were already engaged. And there it was, my mother’s signature, the solution to all their problems. And they got away with it too. They can do whatever they please, and nobody can do anything about it.”

            I felt tears invading my sight, blurring my vision. I turned away from him, rubbing my eyes, cursing my weakness. After a long moment, he finally spoke.

3bdulla: “Asma, I wish…”

Me: “It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. Actually, I would very much prefer it if we ended this subject. I just really needed to let it out, you know?”

            He nodded silently.

Me: “I know you’re going to NYU. I hope you make us all proud. Go and make something of yourself. Build your future. You have so much to look forward to in life, you’ll have a good job, and you’ll find a wi-”

            My voice busted. I froze when I realized what I was just about to say. The tears came right back up. I shook them away, and tried to sound strong as I continued speaking.

Me: “You deserve it. You don’t deserve me. My life is in shambles. Just because I have to go through this doesn’t mean that you should. You’ll be great at whatever it is you decide to do. I know it. You're too damned arrogant not to be :p”

            We both laughed at that statement, and the air was suddenly lighter. I felt so much better, talking to 3bdulla about this. Who knew I would find comfort in the place I least expected. I smiled at that thought.

3bdulla: “I missed that smile…”

            The blush came right up.

3bdulla: “Hhhhh, and your sweet blush…”

Me: “I missed you…”

3bdulla: “You know I would have done anything to break this, but I won’t be here… and by the time I’m back-”

Me: “Inshalla I’ll still be unmarried. It’s okay; you don’t need to give me a reason. I have no doubt that you would have done all you could. But I guess it’s not written for you. For us…”

3bdulla: “No…”

            He sighed.

Me: “Listen, I don’t want my last summer with you to be ruined. Let’s just make the best out of this. Give me something nice to look back on…”

            He smiled.

3bdulla: “And what about me?”

            His voice hinted with laughter.

Me: “Hmmmm…”

3bdulla: “Aaaih don’t be selfish 3ad!”

            I laughed as he shoved some sand in my direction.

Me: “Hahahah, stop it aaaih!”

3bdulla: “So what do I get in return?”

            I pretended to think for a moment.

Me: “I’ll give you the memories of the best summer you’ve ever had.”

3bdulla: “Hmmm…”

Me: “Aaaih ba3ad sho tbaa!”

            He grinned at me. I slapped some sand in his direction, and he laughed, hypnotizing me.

3bdulla: “Nothing 7beebty, I could ask for nothing more…”

To be continued…