Beneath Guarded Hearts - 25

Previously…

Asma

Me: "Are you okay?"

I asked with deep concern. His eyes suddenly showed vague traces of moisture and he tore his gaze from me. Was he crying? :o When I looked again, I saw that I was wrong.

He wasn't crying.

His eyes were gleaming with bright, fresh fury.

Maybe I should have waited for Sul6an to tell me. But now it was too late. I braced myself for the worst, not knowing what to expect from this new person who took over 3bdulla's body.

______________

3bdulla

            I felt like an idiot. What the hell was I thinking? I told myself she was off-limits. Turns out it was more true than I had realized.  She was engaged. Effin ENGAGED! HOW IS SHE ENGAGED mn hal sin? Ba3adha yahil she didn’t even finish school yet! No WONDER she was so guarded all the time. Why?

            I guess that’s the question I would like to ask her. Why? Why hadn’t she told me? Why him? And if that bastard was supposed to be her future husband, why was she scared of him? And why didn’t she tell 9ul6an about anything, since he is obviously oblivious to how she really feels? Yes… Why?

            I know none of them owed me an explanation. 9idg may5e9ny this is a very personal matter w I don’t know what happened. But that didn’t stop me from feeling like punching people until their heads started spinning.

            All this time I had been with her, teased her, and told her how I felt, even when she objected… I didn’t know she was actually rejecting me. I thought it was merely a reaction, a reflex towards my bold behavior. I thought… I thought she loved me. She certainly led me to believe so. I felt so betrayed, my emotions running wild as I tried to figure out the spinning thoughts and conclusions in my head. Laish ya Asma, laish?

            Just as I thought that, she approached me and asked me if I was all right. How ironic. I wanted to scream out my questions, and hear her deny it, and hear her say that it was all a lie; that Sul6an was just trying to get me to back off. I wanted to hold her and shake the truth out of her. But then, when did anyone get what he or she wanted?

Me: “Rdy mkanch Asma.”

I tried to sound 3adee, but it came out cold. I forced a weak smile on my face, trying to convince her stubborn head to do as I told her. I was afraid of saying something I might regret later. I was not in the right state to talk to anyone, especially not her.

Asma: “What did Sul6an tell you?”

I looked up at her, and I could see that she couldn’t miss that surprise that lurked in my eyes. I quickly put on a façade.

Me: “Huh? Ana ma ramast Sul6an since the airport Asma. Mafee shay rdy mkanch you’re not supposed be out of your seat.”

When I saw that I wasn’t being convincing, I dropped the act and went very serious.

Me: “Unless you want me to get up and do the honors, I suggest you go mkanch. Lat5aleeni a3eed kalamy.”

I felt like the word ‘jerk’ was stamped on my forehead. I was acting like her father, talking like she answered to me, like I owned her. This wasn’t like me at all.

She turned around with an annoyed expression. But before she left, she whispered something to me.

Asma: “I’ll find out what’s wrong. If you know me as well as I think you do, then you should know that I don’t give up that easily. Especially not when matters concern the people I care about.”

Me: “Liar.”

She spun around sharply, her shaila slightly coming undone.

Asma: “Excuse me?”

Me: “You don’t care about me. And let me enlighten you and say that I feel the same way. Goomy 3any, I can’t stand the sight of you.”

            I didn’t understand my harshness, the pain taking over my usual self.

For a moment that lasted less than a second, a flicker of hurt exploded in her eyes. But she turned around and stormed away before I could make note of anything else.

Me: “I can’t stand the sight of you, without falling in love with you all over again. And I can’t let that happen…”

I whispered it as I saw her head tilt away from my direction and her finger reaching up to her eye. I cut her deep. Even as angry as I was, my heart felt like it was choking for breath at the thought of hurting her, her silent tears crawling down her soft cheeks. Maybe this will help her hate me, stay away from me, give her the strength to move on and not look back. Isn’t this what I wanted? So why was I feeling so damned crappy?

 To be continued…